A year ago I put in our prayer book at church a "Joy" (all entries are titles joys or sorrows) that we had been approved as an adoptive family. We have another friend who has put us in their prayer book and a coworker that last week told me she was praying for us. I want to believe these prayers will work.
This year I was going to put down a sorrow when I realized that I still had my joy from last year. We are still waiting for a baby which means we WILL have a baby however I'm also sad we dont HAVE a baby yet. So I stood there with the book for a minute and decided to break the mold and put "Joy/Sorrow: Joy that we WILL have a baby soon. Sorrow we have not been matched yet after a year of waiting." When the minister read the Joy I heard a happy gasp behind me and when the sorrow was read I heard a sigh. The very next prayer though was a sorrow and made me realize that my prayer still is not truly a sorrow. The next prayer was for the niece of a parishioner that is 28 (a year younger then myself) that was just diagnosed with cancer. She has a 1 and a half year old baby. The prayer after mine put mine into perspective. I have my health, I have a home, I have a husband, just no baby YET.
So then...the Children's sermon was about when things are broken it is an opportunity to make something different out of the situation. I'm thinking THATS US! I have to say I often enjoy the children's sermons more then the adult sermons. Its so simple. A synopsis: a plate breaks and you take the broken pieces and turn it into a mosaic - too easy. I wish.
The adult sermon was about reflecting on your year and forgiving. The ironic thing was on my way into work that morning I thought that one of the things I needed to do to let my anger go was to forgive the family member that stated "People like you can have babies" when we told them we were adopting. Maybe I do need to forgive them- but does that mean I have to tell them they hurt me? The sermon went on to say that part of change and forgiveness is seeing the sweetness even in bitter situations. Its hard to find sweetness but when I really take a moment to reflect there is sweetness, and there is opportunity to forgive. As my mother always told me- "you can't control others, others cannot control you- you can only control yourself." By allowing things like that hurtful statement to eat at me for over a year I've allowed others to control me. As a result I have focused on the bitter and overlooked the sweetness.
Sweetness lies in the opportunity to have a better relationship with my DH. Sweetness lies in getting to paint my nursery and reupholster the rocking chair. Sweetness lies in knowing that someone is going to make us parents. Sweetness lies in knowing that I have a warm bed, a job, a warm marriage and the means to raise a baby. Sweetness also lies in a church that makes me realize that even in the bitter and sadness there is sweetness- and I need to take the time to reflect on that by going back to church more regularly.
So to end my month of songs... there is sweetness in my favorite part of church- singing my favorite hymns!