Thursday, October 20, 2011


My mother (who does not know I am writing a blog) told me today that she wanted to tell me that she hopes I'm not getting discouraged with this process.  She is sending me a blanket a friend of hers made her to give to me.  I think when she initially told me about the blanket and asked how she should get it to me I told her that she coud mail it and it could sit around her or she could bring it whenever she visits.  So I guess that was her clue that I'm getting discouraged.

Last week I finally e-mailed the agency (who still has not hired a replacement social worker) to ask if we should change our book or if there was something on our check list that was too picky.  I also mentioned that I felt that Kate (the last social worker) knew what we were willing to bend on depending on the situation.  The woman that is currently in charge of placements was Kates boss, has never met us and we are just a check list to her.  She suggested a meeting.

I think I blogged about this particular social worker in April of 2010 when we first started the process.  She was unwilling to take DH's schedule into consideration (which rotates) and was unable to meet late in the day (3-5) to accommodate my schedule.  So as I guessed if we want an appt that works for us we would have to wait until late November.  So we scheduled one for next week at 1.  DH is going to leave work early and I am going to phone in (she doesn't know this yet).  Back when we first tried to meet with her we scheduled three appointments all of which she canceled or incorrectly scheduled.  So I'm trying to be positive and hope that she is really there that day because I'm going to be very annoyed if DH takes an afternoon off work only to find out that its canceled.

I loved Kate our last social worker.  I love the counseling they provide the birthfamilies pre and post placement.  I love the support groups (we used to have).  I do not care of this particular social worker.  I guess I feel a little snobby but I'm paying the agency to take care of my birthfamily as well as me.  Right now we dont feel very taken care of.

So I am discouraged that we dont have a placement yet however at this point I'm more discouraged by our agency telling us each month that by the end of that month they will have someone hired.  I think they are telling us this because they dont realize that Kate helped us set up an e-mail list in which the waiting families have been communicating.  So once a month someone always asks and once a month we get the same response.  Really at this point I want a good social worker more then a baby because I know one leads to the other.

I did briefly look into other agencies but where we live this is the only option.  I dont want to be stuck in another state spending my babies first month in a hotel room waiting for us to be allowed to leave the state.  I also would like the option of a local placement to allow for more openness.  So next week Wednesday we better hear some good news.


  1. Most families don't spend a month in a hotel room. When we adopted my son, we took him home when he was 11 days old. Most people spend about 2 weeks in a hotel. Sometimes, they can stay with friends or family. We stayed in a Residence Inn, which we'll do this next time. The ICPC in the state we're adopting in could take up to 3 weeks. The only people who I've known who have spent a month in a hotel have been in Ohio, and one was in a particularly difficult adoption situation with a long relinquishment period, a contesting birthfather, and the baby was born over Thanksgiving.

    I won't sugar coat it - spending time in a hotel, even a nice one, instead of your home sucks. But if we had limited ourselves to our home state, we never would have had our son. And there's no way we could have adopted a daughter.

  2. The other problem I found was both out of state agencies told me they couldn't help because they were not licenced in my state which I thought was wrong but I assume they know. I have a home study complete and the agency in my state will do the follow pup visits.

  3. I found a spreadsheet w a break down of laws and states. The two states I looked into where I have family don't allow out of state adoptions. NH does though but in my brief search of NH agencies they were all national companies which I'd prefer to stay away from.

  4. We are right on the border of our state and the agency so we are not looking forward to the hotel stay either. The only thing we are looking forward to is the time alone together. The agency strongly encourages keeping visitors (including grandparents) back for the first few weeks to help with bonding. I think the hotel part will help with this situation. (And this is me trying to leave a comment again ;) )

  5. If we had remained in NH, we would have used Wide Horizons. I don't know about their fees for domestic programs, though, as we were looking at adopting from Russia or Ethiopia when we lived in NH.

    FWIW, this time, we spent 2 weeks + 1 day in a Residence Inn in Louisiana. Again, I hated it, but we're home now.

    I know national agencies are getting a bad rap right now. I don't know how much of it is deserved. Most of the national agencies, we wouldn't or couldn't use for reasons unrelated to ethical concerns that are coming up these days. If you think it would be helpful to you, I can share the research I did on agencies last year.

    I'm just trying to help, because I know what it's like to be waiting...