Tuesday, June 21, 2011

weddings, babys and fathers day

We went to a wedding this weekend for DHs friend from high school. It was beautiful. The vow to accept children makes me sad. Id accept a baby if I was given the chance! I just want my turn. Lucky for me no one asked about children but maybe it was because clearly based on my drinking I was not w child. Like at any large gathering of people our age there were pregnant bellys and babies everywhere.

Fathers day was harder for me then mothers day. We were riding back from the wedding and it seemed like every other word on the radio was about fathers day. I've stopped thinking like I have in past years that by NexT fathers day/mothers day we will be parents. Over two years of waiting has made me become more cautious w my hope.

Friday, June 17, 2011

casey anthony

Casey Anthony makes me sick. She selfishly kept her baby and now is on trial for murdering her baby. It appears to me that she viewed her baby as a material thing that she had a right to keep just because she could birth her. While at the same time her baby was an inconvenience to her lifestyle. Why did her parents not stand up to her and demand she choose. She could not have it both ways. If she wanted to continue her lifestyle her family should have guided her towards adoption and this would never have happened. Children are not possessions, and are not human dolls. There are families that would give anythingto love and raise a baby.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

round two

It has been a year since I got finger printed for our home study. Last year it took me two months to not be so livid about being treated like a criminal. Each year we have to update our home study so - background check, finger prints, child support check (to make sure we are not delinquent), physical check up and our updated tax info. I'm not sure if I'm in a better place or if I am just complacent to the process but I'm getting things done quickly. Another possible motivation is that the agency forgot to have us update our info so we already are behind. If we were matched it would work out but it would make things easier if it was done.

We also this week worked out a financial agreement with my parents to send us a check for the balance between what we have in our adoption account and what the adoption will cost. At this point our tax rebate is greater then what we would owe my parents so that makes me happy. I hope to not have to deposit the check but rather that we will continue to make good time in our savings. Initially we agreed that we would deposit the check and pay them back based on what we saved each month however my father wanted to charge us interest!! I know for tax reasons that it had to be done but we could just take a loan out from the bank and thats kinda the idea behind not loaning from the bank. It seems wrong to borrow money to pay for an adoption. Our new agreement is that we will hold onto the check and only deposit it if we get a match and have not yet achieved our goal. In that case my parents will expect full payment when we get our taxes back next year. I'll feel so much better when we have it all saved because I'd hate to start in debt (even if its to my parents).

Happy optimistic thoughts!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Self Confidence

I dont think I have even mentioned this once in my blog and I think its interesting that I have not. Over the past 12 weeks I was training for a half marathon. I am not a runner thought its something that comes easily for me. I feel almost guilty how easy it is and how much I really dont care for it. The training required 30 minutes to 2 hrs of commitment 4 days a week for 12 weeks. Although all of our friends running the half marathon have children I have to say not having children i'm sure made the challenge easier.

I wanted to spend a few minutes reflecting on the achievement. I think (now i've not been there yet) that marathon (or half marathon) training is a great analogy for parenting. DH and I ran most days together to train. Each of us had a slightly different style with him methodical and steady and me rolling with the ups and downs of the course (funny how this is opposites of our actual personalities LOL). We support each other and had friends encouraging us through the process. On race day we were each alone to run our leg but together completed the whole marathon. It wasn't easy and there were moments I wanted to quit but he couldn't start his half until I reached him. I also knew I had friends behind me that would have kicked my butt if I had quit or was found walking.

So I've now run 13.1 miles in 2 hours 4 seconds and i'm proud of my time. I think I can now admit part of my dislike or running is not the activity itself but the fear I wont make it. I'm glad I did my half strong and on my own (though the company would have been nice). Just like parenting I'm sure there will be days where i'll wonder what I was thinking but I now have the self confidence to know that I just have to keep going and I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.... maybe even another half marathon.