Saturday, October 29, 2011

Check List Edits

One of the things we did at our meeting was make some minor check list edits.  Some things that at the time we initially sat down were deal breakers seemed like why had we NOT checked them now after a year of learning even more about adoption.

I feel people who have never filled out the check list really dont understand what a challenging document it is to fill out.  Our pediatrician indicated that as adoptive parents we have a greater advantage over parents who have children biologically because we have the ability to check/not check certain heath problems.  The advantage to carrying a child though means you have the benefit of control over your body and what goes into it.  I do not have that choice.  Another blogger very eloquently posted recently on  why she chose to select gender for her second child.  I can't say that for future children we wont make that choice as well.  Yes there are advantages to adopting however there are many advantages to having biological children.

I have never once posted what specifically is on our check list.  When people ask what we checked rather then telling them what we checked I tell them what we had options on.  When they try to give advice about the dangers of substances used by the birthmother, I share with them that the media often misguides us to which substances are more harmful.

I struggle to keep my childs story their own.  I think part of that process starts now.  If I share what is on our check list I feel like I am already giving potential parts to the story.

Once my baby arrives I will immediately start to teach him/her about how s/he became our son/daughter.  I feel torn as to how best educate my child.  I want to be honest but at the same time I want to provide information at their level.  Since adoption will be openly discussed in our home I worry that my child will not be able to realize that some information they may not want to share.  At what point do I share aspects of the story?  We live in a relatively small area.  The children they go to school with in elementary school will be the students they go to high school with.  Unlike a big city where you have an opportunity to recreate yourself as you grow and change schools I dont know that our town will allow for that.  I think it will be important to keep things simple but also answer any questions they may have.

How do you allow your child the opportunity to know their story but also help them keep it their own?

1 comment:

  1. I find the checklist very difficult to complete. We have discussed items on ours but not "officially" completed it. I need to do some more research on some of the health history/ substance abuse areas. It is very difficult when you don't have the power to control what goes into the body of the birth parent and the choices we would be making if we were growing that baby in ourselves. Our agency does not allow for us to select gender however .