Sunday, January 29, 2012

Support and Understanding

My little sister had a bed bug problem that was found quickly and was contained to the living room in her apartment.  They had to throw out all the living room furniture.  This would be stressful for most people but for her this is the second time an apartment she has lived in has had an outbreak (no fault to her either time).  So she was a little stressed.  She finally is in a place where its been long enough that her and her roommates are going to buy new furniture.  She was stressed out because no one could agree on what they should get and really she just wanted life to return to normal.  She said to me something to the effect of: I really dont understand what it must be like (to be waiting to adopt) but I know how badly I want a futon and I can't imagine having to wait for a baby.  She went onto say she knew a futon and a baby were nothing similar except at this point in her life this is the big thing she is having to wait for.

In response to my blog about not knowing if I can go through our paper work being updated again this year a friend texted me the following:  "You are one of the strongest women I know, you dont have to find strength you have strength!!!  I know there may  not be many comforting words now just know we love you and you CAN do this and WILL do this!  Can't is a weak word!  One day soon the reward will be worth it! XOXO"  She said she couldn't offer comforting words but just by texting me she provided the support I needed that day.  I don't think alone that I can go through the paper work again but knowing that I have the support of friends helps make the challenge more do-able.  Besides I dont have a choice.

Another friend that I shared my blog has been e-mailing back and forth with me.  She shared with me: "Something similar, (not really), is that we have decided not to purchase a house right now."  She went on to discuss that since they are married people feel like they have a right to  tell her what they think about them not buying a house (she didn't say anything about it but i'm sure people also feel they have a right to say something about if they are trying for children or not).  

Maybe I'm getting more understanding that people around me can't get it because they have not lived it.  Maybe I'm having an effect on my friends/family reactions towards me.  Possibly a combination of the two.  I have found that I'm getting better at letting the bad things slide off.  For example: A residents husband asked if I had children I responded no, he asked questions about if we were planning on having children and I danced around the topic.  Finally I shared that we were adopting to which he responded "You can't have your own?"  To which I responded "Yes I can"  Since my adopted child will be MY child (See my post "Are You Unable to have Children?" for a very similar interaction).  He then told me that he didn't understand because he would only want a child that was blood related.  I ignored his comment and said that if the adoption was closed that it would be challenging to know some information in the future but that was the only negative I found for my family, but didn't answer his questions about why we were choosing to adopt (my fertility is none of his business).  He got huffy and left the room.  He still had not returned by the end of the treatment (1 hr).  I was confused as to what had made him so upset.  That night I was replaying the conversation in my head while making dinner... when I realized... I THINK HE THOUGHT I WAS A LESBIAN!!! LOL  To test my theory when I saw him next time I made sure to mention my husband, talk turned again to if I had children and then he said "oh yeah right you are adopting" like it was no big deal.  

Everyone has their own experiences and hardships.  Just like I will never understand what it like to live through bedbugs not once but twice my sister I hope will never experience infertility.  This process has not only forced me to grow and change I think its forced those around me to grow and change as well.  I hope that I am as good as they all have been at expressing that I can't understand specifically what they are going through but we all have been through rough times of our own.

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