Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Can't Do It Anymore

I got to thinking that in about three short months we will be asked to update our fingerprints again. Each time an anniversary like this comes up I say "I can't do this again" but I inevitably do. Each Halloween, Birthday, Christmas, New Years, Anniversary that passes I say I can't go through another one without a baby. Somehow life continues and I even am able to enjoy the moments I'm in, but I can't help but saying aloud at some point during the celebration "I can't do this again."

The first time I was fingerprinted I was bitter, the second time I was passive, but the third time I honestly don't know that I can do it. The first time my background check was completed and my child support obligation investigated I was annoyed, the second time I joked the third time I don't know that I can do it. The first time my taxes were provided I felt invaded, the second time it felt like an afterthought to the stack of papers I collected, but the third time I don't know I can do it. My throat burns and my eyes water typing these words because I know there is a strong chance I'm going to have to figure out how to do it again. Somewhere I'll find the strength but I'm not sure from where.

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