Sunday, January 15, 2012


I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.

- Maya Angelou

I found this quote on a friends facebook page today.  This weekend has been a little rough.  I took last Sunday off (my Monday) to go to Stowe.  A coworker had taken Friday off and then called in Sick Thursday.  I was the one asked to work Friday.  I have no ability to say "NO" so I had a one day weekend.

I'd like to chalk it up to no weekend but I've been cracking recently.  I have zero tolerance for people which really just isn't like me.  Monday I couldn't fall asleep because of my back pain and thoughts whirling in my head.  I went in to the room DH was in i'm not sure for what but suddenly just started to sob uncontrollably.  DH didn't have a clue as to what was going on.

I feel recently that I'm being reduced by our situation.  I am starting to lose faith in the process.  I grow more bitter each day and I'm disapointed with the person I'm becoming.  I know intelectually that I have control over my thoughts, emotions and actions but there is only so long that I feel that I can step up and live despite my sadness. 

I did have glimmers of happiness this weekend.  We went to our friends daughters two year old birthday party.  I also spoke with my little sister on the phone and when discussing summer plans she indicated that we should consider the possibility that we would have a baby with us. I had a harder time considering this possibility then she did.

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