I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.
- Maya Angelou
I found this quote on a friends facebook page today. This weekend has been a little rough. I took last Sunday off (my Monday) to go to Stowe. A coworker had taken Friday off and then called in Sick Thursday. I was the one asked to work Friday. I have no ability to say "NO" so I had a one day weekend.
I'd like to chalk it up to no weekend but I've been cracking recently. I have zero tolerance for people which really just isn't like me. Monday I couldn't fall asleep because of my back pain and thoughts whirling in my head. I went in to the room DH was in i'm not sure for what but suddenly just started to sob uncontrollably. DH didn't have a clue as to what was going on.
I feel recently that I'm being reduced by our situation. I am starting to lose faith in the process. I grow more bitter each day and I'm disapointed with the person I'm becoming. I know intelectually that I have control over my thoughts, emotions and actions but there is only so long that I feel that I can step up and live despite my sadness.
I did have glimmers of happiness this weekend. We went to our friends daughters two year old birthday party. I also spoke with my little sister on the phone and when discussing summer plans she indicated that we should consider the possibility that we would have a baby with us. I had a harder time considering this possibility then she did.