Monday, September 5, 2011

Accentuate the Positive

This being positive thing is harder then I thought.  One of DH's coworkers announced his wife is pregnant which just made me plain old grumpy.  So this is going to get a little personal for a brief moment so don't read if you are a TMI kinda person but each month I still get Aunt Flow (that was the personal part) and like every woman I get hormonal and cranky.  Its a monthly reminder of what I dont have (on top of the fact that being without for 9 months would be AMAZING!)  I think that is really what makes or breaks how I react to someone.  I've had many friends announce they are having babies in my 2.5 years of trying and some I'm genuinely happy and excited for while others it makes me just want to burst into tears and tell them I hope they die (now I've never burst into tears nor have I ever told anyone to die... well except my sisters).

DH was telling me today that he struggles with being upset about not being able to have kids because its something that we want rather then need.  Funny thing is I taught a class of first graders about needs vs. wants about ten years ago, their ideas of needs vs wants very different then mine but I digress.  We dont need a baby but rather we want to have children.  We also have the means to pay for a private adoption which not all people we are unable to create children are able to afford (means to pay for a private adoption does not come with sacrifice and "living pay check to paycheck" since all of DH's paychecks go directly into the adoption fund).  He told me he feels like a whinny kid sometime wanting something he does not need.    

I guess the positive is we had and continue to have choices.  We also have all of our needs met which allows us to pursue this want.  There is nothing wrong with having wants in this world especially when its  a child and not a Hummer :)

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