Sixty years from now if I have dementia how will I speak of my children? Working with older adults many of them with dementia you are given an opportunity to hear about peoples true feelings. This evident even in my own family with my Grandmother starting to identify one of my cousins that was adopted as their (my aunt and uncles) adopted child. As in her days when she had a social filter never would have brought up the fact he was adopted unless the topic was adoption.
I have had one patient that was unable to have children and once her husband passed away she became more depressed and devastated about this. It made me realize that I had no choice but to have children even if we couldn't create children. It clearly is a regret she had that she was unable to undo and her only choice was to continue to greave it or make peace.
Another resident I had adopted two children. It was interesting that she never mentioned their origins until one day she thought they had come to visit but left without saying hello. In reality her children had not visited that day, but when working with people that have dementia you dont argue with them. That is their reality and you have to work WITH their reality not against it. It was at that very angry point that she told me that she adopted them. When I shared with her that we were awaiting to adopt a baby she did calm down. I hope for her sake that she doesn't demonstrate that anger towards her children because I can tell by how they care for her that she loved/s them. I am near positive that the anger comes more from the inability to have children then the fact that her children were adopted.
It got me thinking. When my guard is down and my ability to filter my feelings is gone; will I be angry that I wasn't able to have children or will I be at peace that I did have children I just didn't create them.