Sunday, December 18, 2011

Oh boy

I promise not to blog on every day of the protocol... but this morning I felt like crap! I never have experienced morning sickness but if I were to imagine what it felt like... thats exactly how I'd describe it. I sat on the bathroom floor this morning trying to convince myself that I had no fever and I HAD to get up and go to work because otherwise I'd have to work Friday. Brushing my teeth, taking my AM pill, and even the thought of food brought the potential of hugging the toilet. We did go to a christmas party last night but I by no means drank enough to warent this morning. UGH!

We went to a party last night that I was looking forward to but dreading all at once. I love the host, her husband and daughter. I love our common friends... but there is one person in particular that just makes our situation challenging. There are two types of people - people who take challenges, over come them and realize where they came from; then there are those that over come challenges and think they are better then others because of where they are now. This woman is the latter. She struggled with infertility. She actually had a blog I followed for a while. We had a lot in common. Baby announcements, ultrasound pictures on facebook, an over abundance of baby pictures of facebook (who doesn't post picture of there kids but there is a limit), ect were things that hurt her. She is now all that and then some. She has never once said anything about our adoption to me... she has only thrust her baby at me and asked if I want to hold it. She also talks baby talk which drives me CRAZY! I also get the sense that because she chose infertility treatments she some how feels her path is "better." It makes me sad in part because I know where she came from. I know her lows and I'm happy for her highs, but I wish she was more cognizant of her past. Its a good reminder though that when our buba comes that I cannot be that woman.

I want to be the woman that can support other women through there infertility (and hopefully their births/babies). If adoption becomes the plan I hope I can remember this part of my journey as well. I hope that since our LLL has never supported and adoptive mother through inducing lactation that I can help women with that as well. I want my experience to be a story of hope, joy and love.

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