My Profession/ My Love

Tonight I signed a release allowing a project that I worked on in grad school to be peer reviewed.  When I opened the final manuscript I felt sick to my stomach.  I'm so nervous and excited all at the same time.  My career and starting a family are very intertwined.

When I met DH I had just finished my BS in Management Information Systems (AKA computer programming).  I got a job as a help desk technician as I already had figured out during my senior year that I didn't want to be a programmer.  I dabbled in the idea of a technical writer since my minor was English but during my senior project found out about this cool thing called Assistive Technology (AT) which helps people with disabilities become more independent.  Once I found AT I knew I had found my match.

When I came to New England I wasn't exactly looking to settle down.  I wanted to live here for a few years then go back to the midwest.  I also wasn't big on the idea of having children.  I thought I might some day but I couldn't have told you much more then that.  When I met DH I knew I had my match.  I also knew I wanted children.  Dont worry I didn't tell him the two were hand in hand otherwise I think he would have been history long ago.  Soon after DH and I met I also realized that the way I could work with AT was by becoming and Occupational Therapist (OT).  The day I told DH that I was going to get my Masters in OT he refused to talk to me for about 45 miles (we were on the road back from meeting his parents for the first time).

So needless to say DH supported me in my decision to go back to school.  It was a long two years but we made it work.  My last semester of school was when we started TTC.  It was frustrating to work with children and not be able to conceive.  It was also frustrating to not be able to fix the problem.  My schooling taught me how to problem solve and troubleshoot.  I used my knowledge of the cycle to try to get everything just right and it didn't work.  I couldn't fix the problem.

So a year after graduating from Grad School the project was to a point where we could present the data. DH and I also had made the decision the move away from TTC and transition to trying to adopt.  I associate my trip down to FL to present the paper (that has just been submitted) with working on the application for adoption since that was when we started to work on our application.  I recall sitting in the lobby of the hotel, having coffee and explaining to my professor just an hour before we presented the stress of filling out the adoption application as well as wanting a baby.  I recall at that moment that I felt more anxiety and stress about the  application then my impending presentation.

So now 19 months later the research paper is completed and ready for submission.  I can only hope that maybe these two worlds parallel each other and my baby will be in my arms soon.  Until then I continue to throw myself into my work.  Loving my residents and my students.