So a year ago I got a breast pump. I started following a protocol which did not require hormones. I had minimal success but because it meant I had to pump three times a day it was challenging with work. As I became more discouraged with the waiting this past year the pumping faded away.
This past weekend when I was at the grocery store I peeked the the formulas available. It just felt wrong and I found something wrong with every one of them. My mother breast fed all three of us. She comfort fed us until we could talk. She worked as a lactation consultant as part of her job as a social worker working with first time teen moms. So I feel immense guilt that I've stopped trying. So I e-mailed my neighbor that I know breast fed her son that was adopted. She provided me with a protocol that uses hormones. Its one that I've run across a few times but have been hesitant to try. She has the name of a lactation consultant she used (which wont be coved by insurance) as well as I asked where she got her drugs from.
Today I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I doubt that she will give me a prescription (since its not FDA approved use) but I at least want to have some blood tests to make sure my hormones are at an appropriate level prior to starting the protocol. I also want to make her aware of what I'm doing even if she can't support me legally. I will then go from there.
I know it will be hard as well as frustrating to pump again with no baby. I know though that if I give up know I will kick myself later. This isn't about saving money (the drug is expensive and insurance wont cover it). Its about doing what any parents would do which is at least try to do what they believe is best for their child.
On a side note. A coworker of mine is knitting soakers for cloth diapers. I have not knit since I was 11. She keeps wanting to teach me. So I've started a scarf. Once I can knit consistently I'm going to sit down with her and learn how to knit soakers. Its going to be a long winter so I guess I now have two new hobbies to keep me busy.