Friday, June 15, 2012


Baby Girls 19 year old sister sent us a thank you note for the gift we sent her.  She just finished her freshman year of college!!  Smart girl!  She is a hard worker and so strong for their brother.  She is mature beyond her years.  I dont want baby girl to grow up fast but I hope she is as fantastic as her sister.  The note was nice to receive and hope she continues the contact.  In her note she mentioned one of the current struggles her mother is having.

I finally got a response back to her finished today.  The first half of my response was easy- I told her how Baby Girl has grown and some of the things she is doing, I told her how excited I was she finished her freshman year and what I thought of her amazing dedication to her job.  I shared that I wished she found time to have fun as well like an 18 year old girl should.  The second half was harder.  I wanted to acknowledge the information she shared- which I already knew- but also reassure her that it doesn't mean we wont be in contact.

I explained to her our agreement baby girls birthparents to write letters 4 times a year and visit once a year.  I shared that I hope she comes on the visits.  I also shared with her that if she writes- we will write back.  This is whats hard for me.  I dont want D to think her daughter is getting different contact/preferential treatment; however D has not made contact except in the form of late night texts (which have stopped).  If D ever writes I will respond.  I'm only "letter counting" because 4 is what they asked for but I made it clear when we were in the hospital that if she wrote I will write.  I also struggle with contact with Baby Girls sister because she is old enough to understand what has happened- she was very emotional at the hospital and I dont want to hurt her further.  I want to make sure that anything that I agree to with her I WILL uphold.  Since she is so mature its hard to remember at times that she is actually still a girl that is turning into a woman.  I'm so thankful to have contact with Baby Girls sister but I dont want to take advantage of this young persons emotions.

We are figuring this out as we go.  Since there is no predicting what an adoption will be like until you are in it there is no other way.  I considered the fact that baby girl might have siblings- but never one that was over 18.  I knew she would have extended family.  I knew there was a chance that the birthfather would be distant.  I knew that I might send letters and never get a response.  Its one thing to know that things are possible, but its so different once the story begins.

1 comment:

  1. You're so right. It's one thing to know it's possible, but when it's your situation, it's hard.

    I think you should just give it time. Really. It's all still very fresh and it may take years for things to settle into something that you're actually "comfortable" dealing with.

    I understand what you're saying about not wanting there to be different contact/treatment for one person over another, but you can't worry about that. Do what comes natural and what feels right.

    We have a VERY different relationship with Gus's Great Aunt/Uncle and cousins than we do with his birth parents. His Great Aunt and one cousin were coming through Atlanta on their way to FL and they stayed the night here at our house. His birth parents have only seen him in MI.

    I worried too about their feelings being hurt about it, but it is what it is. I try to keep everyone happy, and if some are more responsive and open and wanting a relationship more than others, so be it. They're all his side of our family and that's what matters to me.