Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Pity the Fool

So I've taken a new montra for life "I pity the fool."

A friend of my e-mailed me in response to my post titled Where Were You?.  She shared that he MIL was similar and well she finds it helpful to pity the poor soul who is not enlightened enough to enjoy so many things in life.  My dear MIL has missed the boat on so many things and well... I do pity her.  She missed an opportunity to become closer with me as well as her son but instead she chose to judge our decision- so I pity her.

So it initially was going to pertain just to my dear MIL until I got a package in the mail today and I've decided to pity ALL fools.  My aunt who despite her having cut most contact off with me I sent her a birth announcement because I thought it was the right thing to do.  (The reason she cut contact is a long story but to boil it down to extreme basics we disagree on politics/religion and I asked her politely to refrain from discussing politics and religion with me because I respect her opinions and don't try to force my beliefs on her and thus I'd like the same respect).  Since baby girls arrival I've heard nothing from her not when we announced "going active," no response to my e-mail about adoption friendly language, and no response when my mother announced Baby Girls arrival- nothing.  On the birth announcement I did not give any indication baby girl was adopted because well its a birth announcement and I figure no one announces C-section vs vaginal delivery on their announcements so why should I include her mode of entrance into our world... I digress.  So I suppose if she had chosen to delete all the other e-mails and had not read them she wouldn't know we adopted which is what I kinda hope is the case.  She sent three books (at first I was excited first because it was like a peace offering to have aknowledged Baby Girls existance her first great-grand niece/nephew).  Then I read the titles.

The last book was religious which I initially could have looked past.  I do believe in God and attend church religiously but our perspectives on religion are different.  I tried to give the book a chance because maybe it wasn't specific to her religion.  I opened the book a few pages in and the book is talking about how the baby was placed by God into Mommys belly then Mommys belly got bigger and bigger.  I recycled the book.  DH pulled the book and read it cover to cover.  It was about how the baby joined the family starting at conception and ending at childbirth.  I felt that her sending the book was disrespectful because it didn't respect my religious beliefs it also did not respect how baby girl joined our family.  It is true that Baby Girl did grow in D's womb (I have issue with babies growing in bellies- it makes them sound like their mother ate them).  I'm OK with talking about that.  I'm OK with talking to baby girl about how babies grow inside their moms.  Most of baby girls friends will have grown inside the moms that raise them.  This book in particular though was not my way of teaching baby girl about how babies are born and how they join families.  It then dawned on me that I could just pity my aunt for not being able to appreciate our family for who we were.  I pity her for not being able to see that there are a few things we dont agree on but we still are family and if we can decide to not touch those subjects we could have a lovely relationship.  I pity that she continues to show that she can't respect my simple request and thus I pity her that she will miss out on seeing baby girl grow.  Its her loss not mine. 

So now I've decided that anyone that just doesn't think that our family is beautiful just the way we are- I'll pity them as well.

I've given this post a few days. I edited the post.  Then added/deleted more.  Its hard for me because the topic of the book is pregnancy (at a childs level).  I struggled initially- was it that the book was about pregnancy that hurt me or her disregard for my request to not discuss religion/politics (which I think naturally would carry over to gifts to my child)?  I think had the book just been about "where do babies come from?"  I'd been OK with it (as long as it was age appropriate).  Most children like both DH and I were- born to and raised by the same mother.  Baby girl will know this and I think the more upfront and honest I am with her about the subject the better.  The bottom line is- I'm baby girls Mom.  I get to decide what she is exposed to until she is old enough to start exploring the world on her own.  I want her religious perspective to be one of openness and love and not of a God who punishes and hates.  I will not tell my aunt that her gift made its way to the recycle bin nor will baby girl ever know of the books existance- however I also need not apologize for it either.

1 comment:

  1. WOW.

    I pity her too. Good for you for coming to this conclusion and for realizing that it's HER problem, not yours.

    The book... yeah, I'd be offended. Not sure how your family is, but in mine, everyone knows that Gus is adopted. My parents told their extended family members and it's not a secret. I guess it's sad in two ways-- either she really had no clue that baby girl is adopted, which that's sad that she's that out of touch, or she knows it and still sent the book. Either case, it's sad for HER and I pity her.