My cousin contacted me a few weeks ago saying that a friend was struggling with infertility and was looking into adoption. I gave her the information she requested and then told her that she can call if she wants. I just got off the phone with her. We both cried over her struggles (though I'm not sure she knew my sniffles were not a cold). I hope I helped but it was really nice to feel like I could pay it forward.
I've been extremely private about our infertility. I am sure some people think we adopted just because. I'm sure most people had no clue we were going to adopt or struggled with infertility. I struggle with sharing because in some ways I dont think its anyones business that we struggled with infertility. I also feel like people will judge us- thinking whats wrong with them or feel badly for us. I learned quickly when we started to realize that something (we still dont know what) was wrong not to share because everyone has advice- most of that advice was unhelpful and hurt more then it helped. I honestly have started to believe that some people are just meant to adopt. Its ironic that DH and I already had planned adoption as part of our family plan even prior to knowing we had trouble with infertility.
It would have been nice to have a real person that had been down my path. Blogging was my escape and my place to find people that related. I couldn't have made this journey without my blog. I however never could receive a hug via my computer. It would have been nice to have a real person that lived my experience. Unfortunately people have to be willing to discuss infertility in order for people to connect and gain support- I'm sure a lot of people assume now since we adopted that we had infertility trouble and maybe I'll get more connections to allow me to be that support person I never had. I still am not sure though I'm willing to out myself. Maybe someday I'll feel comfortable shouting it from the hill tops: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME EXCEPT MY INABILITY TO BECOME PREGNANT AND THATS OK!
As an aside I dropped the hospital grade pump off at the lactation consultant today. I cried the whole way there and the whole way home. Its such a bitter sward- part of me still wants to continue. I have found it easier to focus on her latching on now that I'm not occupied with pumping. My DH has been so sweet and keeps telling me I've tried harder then most people would have but I'm not used to achieving the highest standards. Infertility I guess still hasn't fully taught me that the alternative can be just as beautiful as the main stream.