Part of me wants to give up- stop sending letters and pictures but I then remind myself that I agreed to send letters/pictures. I know that especially D needs anything that can go in her favore and depression over the adoption closing would the the worst thing for her. At the same time- what about Baby Girl? As time passes and I hear nothing I will likely truncate most of the letters and maybe write a long one twice a year. Each letter has been a paged single spaced with each word evaluated takes a lot of time and emotional effort.
The silence reminds me of a documentary that I watched a few months back (which I blank on the name of). It was a closed adoption but the daughter was able to establish contact thru letters with her birthmother. The birthmother wrote maybe two times, and then nothing- silence. The depression that the daughter exhibited was heart breaking- she dropped out of school, she started to perform poorly in her sports, and she found herself pregnant.
I know that Baby Girl and I will have hard conversations. I dont know what will be hard for her. I'm anticipating her sadness, and rejection and want to fix it before it ever hurts her. Each time we send another pair of letters I hope to hear back even if it was a one line note saying "Baby Girl I think about you."