Sunday, August 26, 2012

Finalization "problems"

Friday DH and I took baby girl to get a dress for her finalization. We went to a thrift store since we have no intention of spending $40 on a dress she will wear once. She is growing out of her 6 mo. clothes but the 9 mo clothes are just too big so we wanted to get a 6 mo. dress. There was one dress I LOVED but it didn't fit and then there was the dress DH liked and well; it fit. So DH won. Its cute I like it I just dont LOVE it.

 So then it was my turn to find something to wear. I went into every shop in two malls, plus the main downtown shopping strip and found nothing I liked. I was primarily shopping the end of season sales because I wanted something a little more summery so the outfits I did like didn't have all the sizes. I'm also not over excited about buying clothes because i'm 5-10lbs lighter then I normally am and I'm struggling to gain back the weight I lost in PA back (I know sob story- but it really is a problem for me right now).

 7:50 (10 minutes before I told DH I'm head home) I went into one last store which is modern/college aged was not really feeling it, really wanted to skip it but went in anyway. I first found a dress that looked like a casual bridesmaids dress but I liked the color. As the girl brought it back for me to try on she asked casually what occasion the dress was for. I stumbled over my speech because I didn't plan to tell anyone the reason I was dress shopping because I didn't feel like having "the conversation." I told her that I was adopting my baby Wednesday (the simple way to explain finalization). She got really gushy and asked if I knew the name/gender/etc. So I told her our daughter has lived with us since she was born and that she had a name. I figured she was gushy because she probably worked on commission and would say anything to get me to buy a dress.

I didn't like the dress because it was too formal, though I dont think I liked the dress because I didn't like any dresses that night. So she told me she would grab other dresses. I thought to myself "how is this bubbly college girl going to find me a dress when I dont even know what I want?" She came back with three outfits a red dress (super cute if I was 10 years younger), a steal grey dress, and a pants/shirt out fit. When she brought the pants/shirt set she told me not to buy the black pants from their store because they were $300 and with adoption being so expensive I probably didn't want to spend $300 on pants (my eyes raised to that comment but it was true). Each dress fit me perfectly which in my case people usually judge me heavier then I am so I usually turn down people getting sizes for me.

 I caved and bought the steal grey dress. It was a cop out, its simple, its classic, I can't go wrong. Its not exactly what I envisioned I'd wear but what do you wear on the day you finally are recognized as your daughters parents? As she checked me out she shared with me that she has a brother that is adopted. She told me she wished adoption was easier because its a hard process. She told me it cost too much and the process takes too long. Her maturity on the topic floored me and I appreciated her enthusiasm for my daughter joining my family. I took a risk by sharing my story and in turn I got to hear hers.

When I got home I panicked. I initially thought of not telling DH I bought a dress (I'm not sure I can return it) and keep shopping. I stayed up googling hundreds of adoption finalization pictures until I was satisfied that there are moms that have worn black dresses before so I wont be the first to take the easy road. It feels somewhat cold/professional but I'll have to dress it up with a colored belt and jewelry (and lets face it I'm kinda up tight anyway so the dress suits my personality) But really- What do you wear on the day you become a legal mother? I guess it really doesn't matter :)


  1. I know I don't get logged in enough to post comments like I should, but really wanted to comment on these last two posts.

    I don't know if you remember, but I had these same thoughts....what do you wear on the day the birthmom, go to the hospital for delivery.....become a legal mother

    Such important days in our life and I'm sure 10 years from now we won't be looking back at what we were wearing. We will look at the photos and think about our memories of our emotions from those days and just how special it was.

    I think we worry about it because it is a little aspect we can control.

    So excited for you!

  2. I think you are right what we wear we can control. I also feel like this process puts you under a microscope and I feel judged I think more then I need to feel. No one was going to tell me I couldn't parent if I had chosen the wrong dress!