Monday, May 28, 2012


I finished our letters to her bmom and bdad.  I also put together a few pictures for D's Mom who visited us several times in the hospital.  It wasn't from a lack of trying that I didn't manage to get the letters done until the end of the month.  In part I struggle with what is important to them... what do they want to know about?  I also have decided to not write two different letters but rather write one letter and address one to D and one to J.  If they start to return communication I will address their specific questions but until then one letter is what I will do.  I often think about Baby Girl in her teenage/adult form asking why I wrote what I did, why I didn't write certain things, etc.  At this point its my letter FOR Baby Girl and that is what I think makes it hard.  What does Baby Girl want them to know- I dont know.  In the future I look forward to writing the letters with Baby Girl.

My mom met a family where she lives with children that are teenagers.  Their children have open adoptions and noted that they now only have communication with their childrens extended biological family.  I honestly see this happening for Baby Girl which is why I took the time to write a thank you card for the gifts that D's Mom gave Baby Girl as well as encouraging her to maintain contact.

As I got the letters ready to mail I debated if I would put D and J's addresses on their letters.  They know I have their addresses, however it seems strange to send the letters thru the agency when we have their contact information.  I have sent the letters thru the agency in a big part to show we are upholding our commitment to 4x year letters/pictures so if there ever were a question we would have the agency to support us.  I also feel like I'm not willing to share our address and its awkward to know theirs but not be willing to share ours.  So its almost like I'm pretending we don't know their address.  Is this silly?  I don't know.

So since I was at the computer with their addresses infront of me.  I typed them into google maps.  I learned a little more about D and J.  The style of homes their parents have (they both live with their parents).  How far apart they live.  What their neighborhoods are like.  How far D was having to travel to get to the hospital.  Its funny that a small bit of information can provide such insight and perspective.

1 comment:

  1. I did the same thing with Gus's birth parent's addresses. I even went so far as to put them into and see the size and estimated value. It was very eye-opening for sure.

    I think you have to just write them letters as if they were two amazing people who created an amazing child and due to their circumstances, weren't able to parent.

    The bottom line is they should be cherished because they created her. They didn't have to choose to place her into your arms, they could have been selfish and decide to parent and baby girl would be in a totally different world.

    Write them as if you're telling your most loved family member about how amaizng your little girl is. They (birth parents) deserve to know that she's happy and well taken care of. They deserve to know that they made the right decision to place her into your arms and trust you to raise her and give her the things they couldn't.

    I'd keep going through the agency though. Until you're at a place where you're comfortable with giving them your address (and it might happen someday), I'd keep using the agency for this service.