We had many canceled appointments with our adoption agency. This was frustrating however provided us an opportunity to take some time off from the process. Since my last post we have answered all of the questions in our packet, we both have been finger printed, and we have finally met with the adoption agency social worker that will work with us through the process.
Part of our decision to move forward is we have worked out financing. Adoption financing is a huge problem and you need a degree in tax law in order to understand what your tax credit will be and when you will get it. I spent an hour at the IRS office waiting and then reviewing the tax forms associated with adoption. The hardest part is that you don't get the rebate until one year after your adoption expenses or the year your adoption is finalized. If you start to adopt but the adoption falls through and you start again, well that counts as "one baby." My parents have agreed to loan us any money we need to finalize the adoption. It was a challenging decision because once the baby arrives babies are expensive so spending the amount of money just prior to having a baby seems crazy! We are lucky to have this support. It was difficult to make the call and ask for the loan as my parents are not privately wealthy and my parents are nearing retirement.
One hard part about this process has been peoples responses to adoption. Although we have not made a big announcement however we have told a few people. Peoples reactions to our adoption have been mixed. My mother wanted to know when she could start telling people she was going to be a grandmother. A co worker when she found out we started the adoption process proceeded to tell me how a little fat girl who ate a whole bag of chip, was two years old and adopted and had come into work the day before. Although DH's nonchalant broaching of the subject may have prompted the response another family member proceeded to tell us about alternative medical procedures we could try for a biological child. No response is "normal" or "better" its just that often people appear to be unprepared and feel they need to respond with information while if I had announced I was pregnant people would just exclaim how happy they are. Often those with less then ideal responses come around to being excited and happy and appear just not to have known how to initially response or even realize that when we telling them we are adopting its our way of saying "We are having a baby!"
Our meeting with the social worker went well. She explained the process as well as how an open adoption would work. One point she made that we had not yet considered was that open adoptions typically attract more educated birth parents as although they realize they are not ready to be parents they still want a connection with their baby. She gave us an idea of how long it would take to have a baby (1-5 years) and supported our idea to contact a pediatrician. We had a chance to look over other adoptive parents dear birth mom books. It was interesting to see the many different styles and put to rest that there is no "right way" to make the book.
We still have some paper work to do before our home study can begin. We need to have a few forms filled out by our doctors, finalize financial information, and fill out DMV information. Although I feel done with paper work I'm revealed to be getting close. I think one concern was that our finances would make it appear we were not ready. Once we put it down on paper we actually look really good especially considering that I just changed jobs. After the application is done we need to start our adoption portfolio to show birth parents.... I think i'm going to have to buy a new camera.. and its going to have to be a good one because its likely the same one thats going to be taking pictures of our baby! :)