It is amazing how frequently the topic of baby's come up. Some of it is really unexpected because there are a handful of people know we were TTC or know we are now TTA however others inadvertently make incentive comments. On Monday when a para at one of the schools I work at found out I was 28 and had no children told me my clock was ticking. I wanted to tell her "Actually my clock already stopped as did my husbands." Unfortunately the values of politeness my parents raise me with kept my tongue at bay. Some of it is misinformed like my co-worker that knew we were having trouble TTC apologized when I told her we had contacted Lund (the local adoption agency). I got teary not because I felt sorry that we could not conceive but because I've had baby's on my mind for 3 years at this point and we are not almost officially to the 1 year of TTC mark. Some of it is helpful and thoughtful. We talked to our Aunt this week as she has a son that was adopted at birth.
The conversation was very helpful. She told us about their home study (when the social worker comes in to check everything out), their adoption process, and things that have come up as her son has grown up. She made the home study process sound more manageable then I've anticipated it to be. They are not out to prevent you from having a child they just need to ensure a healthy home environment. She told us her one regret when she met her sons birth mom before he was born was she wishes she had taken a picture. She did say that her son at points in his life told her when he was upset that "He wishes he was with his real mom." She told me she responded by telling him that when he turned 18 that they would be happy to help him find his birth mom which is genesis because it instantly defuses the argument. She also talked a little about the Dear birth mom letter and how her birth mom picked her because they had talked about how they had been athletic and wanted her baby to go to an active home. I guess we can only be ourselves when we write our letter and we will see who picks us. She felt like she wasn't helpful but I'm glad we have her. I think this process is going to require aligning our selves with strong, positive people that will help us through the process.
I also contacted a local pediatrician to help us go through the drugs that we agree are "OK" for the birth mom to have exposed the baby to during the pregnancy. I was so angry the first time I opened the packet and read those questions. It took a few weeks but I am ready to complete that section of the paper work. I think it still disappoints me because not one of those things is "OK" for any baby to be exposed to, however its the reality of the situation. Many birth mom's don't know they are pregnant until weeks if not months after conception. I also have the right and the control to select that none are ok.... however I dont think thats realistic.