I Wish You Could Understand

Until you experience something personally you never fully understand.  I don't want people to understand what we are going through in a way because I'd never wish Infertility on someone else.  As to truly understand you have to live it.  I guess from my post on Sunday there also is evidence that you can live something and then deny the experience.

Last week I was discussing the protocol with my mother and how though I'd love to avoid taking the hormones I just couldn't do it the other way.  The risks of taking any medication should be weighed and I feel and my doctor feels I'm healthy enough to complete the regimen  (there is a risk of A-fib and increased blood pressure).  She told me she wasn't sure it was a good idea but also trusted my opinion and knew that I had researched the protocol.  At some point I snapped at her "You know you really are not in a place to give advice."  She asked what I meant by that and I told her that as someone that could just decide when she wanted her next baby and it happened she really couldn't speak to my situation.  She also could choose if she wanted to bottle/breast feed.

I received a card this weekend from her telling me that its true she doesn't understand and that she will try to be better at just listening.  I do value her opinion which is why I talk to her but as I get older I don't always want her advice sometimes I just want an ear to listen.  I do have the best Mom.

One of the reasons I think I write this blog is to have a place where I'm able to put forth my thoughts and receive no direction back.  Often when I talk to my husband/mother/friends I'm not looking for advice I'm looking for someone to understand.  To just hear me.

I think this journey has helped me become better at my job.  I've never broken my hip, I've never been fully dependent, or in fear of not being able to return home.  Sometimes not going home but moving to assisted living or a nursing home is the safest choice.  Having someone just listen about why you are scared is far more beneficial then someone laying out the facts as to why  you shouldn't go home.

P.S.
Protocol is going well I'm less nauseated in the morning and its gone within an hour.  When the nausea waves over me I remind myself its just the medication, take a deep breath and try to ignore it.  In four days I've forgotten 1 pill which isn't bad.  I'm definitely seeing changes.