Sunday, May 6, 2012
Blogging But Not Posting
I've continued to blog- quite a bit. I have however not been posting that much. Its been a struggle for me recently to post on my blog because I'm cautious of peoples reactions. My feelings about D (baby girls Bmom) are still raw. Open adoption is beautiful and its what I wished for, for my child. Unfortunately D isn't healthy and continues to make poor choices that affect herself, her children, her family and now us. Her family is worried that her behavior will cause the communication between us and them to cease. I want Baby Girl to know her birth family though I struggle with wanting her to know her birthparents. How can we tell Baby Girl that certain behavior is bad when her birthparents are doing those things? We are then telling her, her birthparents are bad. I don't think that its healthy and I dont want her to think that they are bad- its their choices that are bad. This isn't the adoption story I want to read to her before she goes to bed, but its her adoption story and I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with it.
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I think you can tell Baby Girl about God and what He had to do with her adoption. I think you can have a relationship with D's family-- because it's not their fault that she's doing what she's doing. It's hurtful to them too I'm sure. You can't worry about D... and your adoption story is BEAUTIFUL because you are her parents. The life that she would have had with her birth mom isn't one that her birth mom wanted, and she was at least mature enough to do what was best for Baby Girl. To me... that's the most incredible, selfless thing D could have done. She DID make a loving choice... because she COULD have changed her mind and not signed the papers. For that, you can tell Baby Girl that her birth mother loved her so much she wanted the best for her. And that's the truth.
ReplyDeleteAdoptive Families magazine deals with this on a regular basis in their issues. If you're not already a subscriber, I highly recommend it.
ReplyDeleteMy son's birthmother makes poor choices. I wrote a lot about it when I was just starting out because I needed help dealing with it. I write less about it now. I was more open with her story and Jackson's because I didn't know what to do. Now I ... I don't wish it all back, but I do wish I had left certain things out.
Fairly recently, we began communicating more with Jackson's birth-grandmother, as opposed to his birthmom. It's been good.
As a warning, if you express anything negative, people will most likely tell you to close the adoption. These people probably don't know what they're talking about, to be blunt. There are ways to maintain a relationship and not have it consume you. It just takes time.
Thank you guys. Your opinions are important to me.
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