I think about adoption each and every day but its become part of who we are. I try not to let it define us or make me feel like less of a parent. Its been much easier since leaving Phili because I'm not constantly reminded that I'm not "mom." In the hospital I was reminded daily that I wasn't mom and it made me mad. I hated that feeling of not being able just to decide what was best for my child and move forward. Instead the agency had to be called frequently and was the final say in things.
Now that we are home as long as fools dont use comments like "real mom" I just dont think about it (most of the time). Besides being able to open a bank account for her there is nothing I feel like I can't do with her... until tonight- I was reminded again- I'm not "legal" mom- just plain old regular mom.
My aunt innocently enough handed me a flyer from the newspaper for an open casting for a local company. They were looking for infants to be in their ad. My aunt of course thinks Baby Girl is the most amazing, vivacious, superstar of a baby so she cut it out and gave it to me (I have to say I fully agree with her opinion of my superstar). Its a company that I like, I love their products, and their mission. Well I'm not "legal" mom. So I asked DH if he thought we needed to ask the agency if it was OK? At this point we have completed our post placement visits with no concerns and are just waiting on a court date. TPR has long passed and I have not asked the agency permission to do anything since we walked out the doors of the hospital.
I've considered going. I have off on Friday and DH has off the other days that would be required IF she was picked (and of course she would be) . I'm just dreading getting their and them asking for a social security number, a birth certificate, something that proves that this baby belongs with me. Something that shows that I am her mom. I've had this argument a few times over with people (when we flew, when I inquired about a bank account). People INSIST that babies get social security numbers and birth certificates AT the hospital. In baby girls case her birth mom didn't get these things at the hospital, rather they were mailed to her and she didn't get them until around the time we went home. So even if I was her "legal" mom from day one I wouldn't have had these documents from day one.
Those pieces of paper mean little to me. I AM her Mom. Though I'm sometimes reminded that in some eyes I am not really Mom until I'm "Legal Mom."
I remember feeling like you do. It all goes away magically once you reach your Adoption Day. It's part of the reason we celebrated so much-- it was a major turning point for the way we view things for the rest of our lives.
ReplyDeleteWe just experienced the drama of getting a SS number for Gus. We didn't apply right away when we had finalized, and we didn't really have a reason to get a number right away (we had a tax ID for him for tax purposes because of how our finalization fell on April 15-tax day).
Anyway, when we applied, my husband was given the riot act about not submitting and they wanted to check with the hospital in MI because they were certain that he was issued a birth certificate AND SS number at the hospital. He was not. No clue if there's an original somewhere with his birth mom's name on it... I've never seen it. I know for sure that he was never given a SS number.
When you get past this phase, you'll soon forget about how many times you're reminded that you're not really mom yet. Trust me. You are as much legal mom today as you will be with some papers. It stinks though... I hear ya!!
I suppose that's the one thing (and probably only thing) that's better about using a facilitator - we were our children's custodial parents immediately. We don't have to ask an agency anything. We can pretty much do whatever we want.
ReplyDeleteThat said, the world of baby modeling is not nice. I was just talking to a friend who used to work on the modeling/acting agency side of things. it's a lot of time and stress for not a lot of money. You usually get to keep the clothes, and you get the thrill of seeing your kid in an ad, but that's about it.