In some ways the birth of Baby girl has eased my sadness. I have achieved what I was seeking and that was a family. Each smile makes me feel so happy to be a mom. Each time I can comfort her and end her tears I feel like I've achieved a great feat. I however did not seek to be a mom to heal my pain, I did not expect a baby to fix me. Just as a spouse can never make you happy- you must find happiness within yourself; a baby will never make you forget the road that brought you together.
So I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and this week I plan to post the following on my Facebook to help bring awareness to the pain infertility causes:
Sunday: April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week according to RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. 1 in 10 couples will experience infertility. Infertility does not discriminate and affects men, women, rich, poor, fat, skinny, and all ethnicities. We all know people who experience infertility and this week I plan to post ways to support those families in your life.
Monday:April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please take care in the number of pictures/ultrasound photos you post on FB- we love babies which is why we want to start a family but large # of photos make us want to block you. Those who experience infertility experience the grief a new each month. Each month there is new hope that a baby maybe conceived, when it doesn't happen we grieve again. When talking to friends/family experiencing infertility please dont tell them to relax and it will happen as infertility is not a psych diagnosis, or minimize their pain by telling them parenthood is hard.
Tuesday:April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. To best help a friend/family member with infertility please dont provide advice. Listen. IVF, IUI and other infertility treatments are not for everyone due to their diagnosis, as well as religious or ethical reasons. Everyone knows a story about a couple starting the adoption process and then became pregnant, or the couple that stopped trying to have children and found themselves pregnant- we have heard the stories and they are not helpful. Just listen.
Wednesday: April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. Don't complain about your pregnancy to us. Women experiencing infertility would gladly take morning sickness or the inability to see their feet over years of invasive testing. We are excited for your impending birth but we are not the ones to vent to.
Thursday:April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. Please dont ask us "whats wrong" with us. Its RUDE to ask people about their medical conditions! 10% of infertility is "unexplained Infertility" which means no one knows- not even the white lab coats. Infertility also can be a result of childhood illness, cancer, or other private health mater such as a hysterectomy.
Friday: April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. We can have children of our own. Some people with infertility develop it after having biological children, some families choose to adopt. Please dont tell us that maybe after we adopt we will have our own children. We have children and they are our own.
Saturday: April 22-28th is National Infertility Awareness Week. Be supportive, listen and dont forget about us. While we waited for Baby Girl I've been able to grow many friendships. I've also unfortunately lost friendships as well. The process is long and for each couple the outcome is different. For those of us who have been there- dont forget where you were. For those of you who never have traveled the road- ask for how you can best support your friend/family.
Sunday: National Infertility Awareness Week is over- thank you for taking the time to listen and be educated. Be aware that Mothers Day and Fathers Day are fast approaching. If you know someone thats going thru infertility currently please take a moment to send them a card, make a phone call, to let them know you are there to listen.
Your feedback is welcome!! :) Wish me luck!!!!
Sounds good to me! I still struggle when I hear someone post that they're pregnant. I hate that my initial reaction is so negative and nasty... but it always is. Who knows when I'll get over this, or if I'll ever get over it.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea- I think I might copy this for my FB as well! I don't have any friends who struggle with this so I usually rely on my online friends to "get it" with me. I have one friend who just announced that they were expecting. Her sister in law has been trying to get pregnant for about 7 years and took the news hard. I went to talk to her the other day and offer her my support. I am facebook friends with both of them and maybe it will minister to both of them during this bittersweet time for their family.
ReplyDeletePlease do! Let me know what your response is! So far I've gotten 11 likes.
ReplyDeleteNow that I am a parent I feel I am less susceptible to comments because people are less likely to tell me to relax and "it will happen" (though i've gotten watch now you have a baby you will get pregnant- grrr... I dont need two babies right now! lol) I do still feel twinges of anger, and hurt when people announce their pregnancies. I hope like Cat said that one day it would go away but I think rather then trying to get over it I'll have to realize that infertility is part of who I am- it doesn't define me. I hope that by being in a position that I feel like I can speak out- maybe I'll be able to help avert pain for someone thats currently in the process.