Sad

To start i'd like to say that i'm incredibly happy and lucky.  I have a great partner for life, a comfortable house, two loving goofy pets, a great job, and so much more.  I still find my self sad when watching other people that already have the chance to start a family.  Its not the ability to have children biologically that makes me sad its the wait.  A year ago we found this perfect house with intentions of getting a nursery ready and fence in the yard for a child to play.  At that point we already had been trying for long enough that for the "typical" couple to have already conceived.  DH is kind to remind me we are at the "guarantee" part of the process (adoption) because there IS a baby at the end of all of this... but a guarantee is not what I want.  What I want is a child to help nurture, love and watch grow up... in the mean time I wait and watch others have the opportunity to do just that.  

Today it was brought on by a lack of sleep, PMS, and a Baptism.  On other days its an cute toddler in the parking lot of the condo's down the street putting the facts of life together as they pass me by- "Daddy thats not my Mommy!!  She is someone else's mommy." As a result I find myself distancing myself and becoming abrupt as the last thing I want is to burst into tears on some unsuspecting person.  I'm nervous about my interview as I dont want this sadness to appear as if I'm morning our inability to have children.  Wednesday (my interview) will be here quickly and it will all be over soon :)