Our book is done!! Well a few minor edits and my parents need to paste in their text. It is really nice to see what our families have to say about us as well as their thoughtful introductions. I think we could have dine a few things to have made the process go a little smoother- the first calling vs email. Dh primarily communicated via email and well we all know that we don't really read carefully. Many members of our family only put captions to the pictures rather then telling about who they were. I also would have been more controlling from the start giving them bullet points to cover- relationship to us, likes/dislikes, and their feelings about being an aunt/uncle/grandparent. In the end it turned out and I'm hoping that the pages from our family will help us get picked faster :)
One week until our final interview I think we have everything done except putting up the railing on the stairs to the basement.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Good idea/bad idea
So we thought it would be a fun idea to have our families write their own pages in our dear birth parent book. In part to help them understand the hard work we have to do in order to get the the point of adopting. Making the decision to move forward with adoption is a huge decision not because you are choosing to have a child (that decision was often made years before) but because of the financial stress, time stress, and loads of paper work required. We also wanted them included and to be a part of the process. The deadline is a week away and only one family member has completed their page (though a second e-mailed me tonight to let me know that theirs just needs to be reviewed). I hope this added stress is worth it!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Action packed week
This past week flew by. When I have lots of things to do and can be productive I am very positive about the situation. When I feel like I have nothing I can do thats when the sadness sets in. I've always been someone that has needed the ability to act, to do something to make my situation change. When I am in a holding pattern waiting for the next interview I feel helpless.
So how did the individual interviews go?
Tuesday- DH's interview. Dont know how it went except that when I spoke with him on the phone he reported that the social worker informed him that we had nothing to worry about and if we wanted to tell people about how we were adopting we didn't have to worry about not being approved. DH has been on evenings these past few weeks and on top of the fact he has an officer he is training in the car with him he never is much of a talker but that has intensified the problem. After my interview we had a chance to chat but i'll get to that after so... basically I went into the interview blind as DH did.
Wednesday- My interview. Went well. I hate to talk about myself. I'm not overly sentimental nor is my family so questions like "what is your fondest memory growing up" was hard to answer. A big portion of the interview was just describing the personalities and my relationships with my parents and sisters. It always seems funny to me that things that I find important others don't necessarily and vice versa. For example she really dwelled on my mothers back injury. Yes it meant more responsibility growing up; however it also had positives- my mother didn't work and was home all through my high school. They obviously asked about drugs, alcohol, etc which were non-issues for me. I think the hardest questions were describing personalities, conflicts, and memories. So my advice to anyone for the future is... become a little sentimental before you go in. Of course after the interview I came up with lots of things (i.e. family traditions- Friday night treat night in which a daughter who's treat night it was got to go out with our father to the store to purchase a treat.) eh well.
After my interview I talked to DH about his interview and learned "what he would change about me is" my back problems, "the hardest thing we have ever gone through" was infertility. I felt like his responses were so much more caring then mine... "what I would change about DH is" the range of his emotional responses (he doesn't get excited, sad, angry- very mono emotional) and "the hardest thing we have ever gone through" was grad school as we lived apart for almost 2 years.
Pediatrician visit
We have a pediatrician. I think we wanted to get a lot from the physician and as always they are a little standoffish when it comes to telling you what disabilities, drugs, etc are "OK." I was a little irritated by his comment regarding that the "adoptive parent preference" sheet is bias towards the adoptive parents. I dont think there is anything wrong with choosing which disabilities/drugs are acceptable or not. Here is why- as adoptive parents we have NO control over what care, nutrition, etc is taken. If I were to carry a child I would have risks for my child being born with a disability however if my tests results showed my baby may have Downs I would have the choice to carry to term or abort. What would I do- I dont know but it would be a choice. I also would not drink, smoke, take drugs, and would eat a healthy diet. These are all factors that increase my chances for a healthy baby. Its not an unfair bais towards the birth parents- its evening the playing field. I do not think its fair to choose gender.
TTC (Trying to Conceive) site
I have been participating in a TTC site since February. This week I ended my posting on the site. Its too hard. Since joining all the ladies that have joined prior to me already have conceived and now those who joined after me are starting to get their positive pregnancy tests. I will have a baby - i'm TTA and am no longer TTC. The ladies have been nothing but supportive in my transition to TTA and have helped me accept the change in course. I wish them all positive pregnancy tests quickly!
So how did the individual interviews go?
Tuesday- DH's interview. Dont know how it went except that when I spoke with him on the phone he reported that the social worker informed him that we had nothing to worry about and if we wanted to tell people about how we were adopting we didn't have to worry about not being approved. DH has been on evenings these past few weeks and on top of the fact he has an officer he is training in the car with him he never is much of a talker but that has intensified the problem. After my interview we had a chance to chat but i'll get to that after so... basically I went into the interview blind as DH did.
Wednesday- My interview. Went well. I hate to talk about myself. I'm not overly sentimental nor is my family so questions like "what is your fondest memory growing up" was hard to answer. A big portion of the interview was just describing the personalities and my relationships with my parents and sisters. It always seems funny to me that things that I find important others don't necessarily and vice versa. For example she really dwelled on my mothers back injury. Yes it meant more responsibility growing up; however it also had positives- my mother didn't work and was home all through my high school. They obviously asked about drugs, alcohol, etc which were non-issues for me. I think the hardest questions were describing personalities, conflicts, and memories. So my advice to anyone for the future is... become a little sentimental before you go in. Of course after the interview I came up with lots of things (i.e. family traditions- Friday night treat night in which a daughter who's treat night it was got to go out with our father to the store to purchase a treat.) eh well.
After my interview I talked to DH about his interview and learned "what he would change about me is" my back problems, "the hardest thing we have ever gone through" was infertility. I felt like his responses were so much more caring then mine... "what I would change about DH is" the range of his emotional responses (he doesn't get excited, sad, angry- very mono emotional) and "the hardest thing we have ever gone through" was grad school as we lived apart for almost 2 years.
Pediatrician visit
We have a pediatrician. I think we wanted to get a lot from the physician and as always they are a little standoffish when it comes to telling you what disabilities, drugs, etc are "OK." I was a little irritated by his comment regarding that the "adoptive parent preference" sheet is bias towards the adoptive parents. I dont think there is anything wrong with choosing which disabilities/drugs are acceptable or not. Here is why- as adoptive parents we have NO control over what care, nutrition, etc is taken. If I were to carry a child I would have risks for my child being born with a disability however if my tests results showed my baby may have Downs I would have the choice to carry to term or abort. What would I do- I dont know but it would be a choice. I also would not drink, smoke, take drugs, and would eat a healthy diet. These are all factors that increase my chances for a healthy baby. Its not an unfair bais towards the birth parents- its evening the playing field. I do not think its fair to choose gender.
TTC (Trying to Conceive) site
I have been participating in a TTC site since February. This week I ended my posting on the site. Its too hard. Since joining all the ladies that have joined prior to me already have conceived and now those who joined after me are starting to get their positive pregnancy tests. I will have a baby - i'm TTA and am no longer TTC. The ladies have been nothing but supportive in my transition to TTA and have helped me accept the change in course. I wish them all positive pregnancy tests quickly!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sad
To start i'd like to say that i'm incredibly happy and lucky. I have a great partner for life, a comfortable house, two loving goofy pets, a great job, and so much more. I still find my self sad when watching other people that already have the chance to start a family. Its not the ability to have children biologically that makes me sad its the wait. A year ago we found this perfect house with intentions of getting a nursery ready and fence in the yard for a child to play. At that point we already had been trying for long enough that for the "typical" couple to have already conceived. DH is kind to remind me we are at the "guarantee" part of the process (adoption) because there IS a baby at the end of all of this... but a guarantee is not what I want. What I want is a child to help nurture, love and watch grow up... in the mean time I wait and watch others have the opportunity to do just that.
Today it was brought on by a lack of sleep, PMS, and a Baptism. On other days its an cute toddler in the parking lot of the condo's down the street putting the facts of life together as they pass me by- "Daddy thats not my Mommy!! She is someone else's mommy." As a result I find myself distancing myself and becoming abrupt as the last thing I want is to burst into tears on some unsuspecting person. I'm nervous about my interview as I dont want this sadness to appear as if I'm morning our inability to have children. Wednesday (my interview) will be here quickly and it will all be over soon :)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Dear Birth parents letter
A dear birth parent letter also frequently called a dear birth mom letter is now a portfolio or book more then a letter. This book is shown to prospective birth parents (BP) that are seeking an adoption plan. The book is shown to BP's that fit the adoptive parents requirements and vise versa. So if a BP wants parents that are young and are active then adoptive parents that fit that criteria will be shown to them if the BP meet the requirements of the adoptive parents. We will fill out a list of criteria including gender, age of baby, drugs BP use, and medical history of the baby/BP's. The BP look at a few books and then decide which parents they want to meet. The adoptive agency sets up a meeting for both sets of parents to meet. If both sets of parents are in agreement the process continues and the adoptive parents and BP set up a plan for the openness of the adoption, as well as how the day of delivery will work.
A lot is riding on this book as this book is the first step to how the BP decides which adoptive parents they want to meet. DH and I have begun working on the book. We have set up pages using shutterfly.com. The reason we are doing an electronic book is that we want our families to create their own pages. I set up the pages on my own and got pictures organized (so I thought). I dumped every digital picture we had as an option and then we were over whelmed (aka I was in tears). We then removed ALL the pictures and started over. We went through our digital albums and then only uploaded the one's we planned on using. This helped and the process became fun.
Having our families do their own pages has its pluses and minuses. Pluses- our family is involved and they now know how much work this process is taking, they also will be able to send messages to the BP of their grandchildren/niece/nephew, and they can provide us with feedback on our parts of the book. Cons- hand holding is needed, frequent calls to keep people on track and remind them we have a deadline, and they can give us feedback on the book.
The picture part is about 50% done and we have started the writing part. We have an outline started for the first two pages which is the letter itself (who we are, how did we get to this point, etc). I will post our final letter on a future blog as we have found lots of sites telling us how to write a letter but no good examples. We have written about our house, pets, and hobbies/fun activities. We have created a new saying which is "thats too Geri Reiley, " or "ok Geri Reiley" (Geri Reiley is a local real estate agent that listed a house we looked at double dipping on space by listing the garage as a "room" as well as a garage). Keeping things light and realizing you can always go back has helped... We still have a little over two weeks to get it done.
This week we both have our individual interviews as well as our meeting with the pediatrician. Exciting week :)
A lot is riding on this book as this book is the first step to how the BP decides which adoptive parents they want to meet. DH and I have begun working on the book. We have set up pages using shutterfly.com. The reason we are doing an electronic book is that we want our families to create their own pages. I set up the pages on my own and got pictures organized (so I thought). I dumped every digital picture we had as an option and then we were over whelmed (aka I was in tears). We then removed ALL the pictures and started over. We went through our digital albums and then only uploaded the one's we planned on using. This helped and the process became fun.
Having our families do their own pages has its pluses and minuses. Pluses- our family is involved and they now know how much work this process is taking, they also will be able to send messages to the BP of their grandchildren/niece/nephew, and they can provide us with feedback on our parts of the book. Cons- hand holding is needed, frequent calls to keep people on track and remind them we have a deadline, and they can give us feedback on the book.
The picture part is about 50% done and we have started the writing part. We have an outline started for the first two pages which is the letter itself (who we are, how did we get to this point, etc). I will post our final letter on a future blog as we have found lots of sites telling us how to write a letter but no good examples. We have written about our house, pets, and hobbies/fun activities. We have created a new saying which is "thats too Geri Reiley, " or "ok Geri Reiley" (Geri Reiley is a local real estate agent that listed a house we looked at double dipping on space by listing the garage as a "room" as well as a garage). Keeping things light and realizing you can always go back has helped... We still have a little over two weeks to get it done.
This week we both have our individual interviews as well as our meeting with the pediatrician. Exciting week :)
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