Fighting Back Tears

OK here it comes again my Dear Aunt Flow and I again am on the verge of tears at most moments of my day.  I never realize how close I am to tears until someone asks me if I'm OK.  A coworker yesterday offered me a hug, another today asked if I was doing better because it looked like I was going to cry yesterday and a third coworker just generally asked how I was doing.  Clearly I'm not as good at holding up my facade as I once was but I also dont really think its possible right now.

I decided to help a former coworker cover her maternity leave so once a week I'm working in the schools again.  I initially said I wouldn't do preschool just because I don't think I can do it emotionally well guess who couldn't say no and for two months I'm doing preschool once a month?  Medicare is changing their rules October 1st so stress at my Sunday-Thursday job is high for everyone.  Then to top things off I'm approaching one year of waiting and Dear Aunt Flow is about to visit.  *sigh*

So onto happy notes-
I'm only working a half day Friday and we are going out of town for a visit to my real aunt Rosie.

I got a blog comment from a lovely lady who just turned in her finalization paper work!  I e-mailed her and almost wrote "Baby dust" which is what affectionately was posted on trying to conceive sites for women just before aunt flow arrived in hopes that they would get a positive pregnancy test.  I think I could use some baby dust- I wonder if baby dust applies to adoptions?  Getting the comment though did remind me that I'm one year in and though there is no time line - my neighbor was matched after 1 month of waiting- I am in the process and hopefully one day closer to our baby.  Its also reminded me that this process is 100% guaranteed so I'm no longer hinging my hopes on fictional dust.